Saturday, September 26, 2009 Y
Dear Cuddly
Wow.. Its been a long time since i use the my cuddly name.. What does it mean.. It means that I'm half way to recovery.. Just need to adjust a little here & there..
As for today.. Woke up really early cause had an interview as a part-time Sats officer.. Customer Service Agent(CSA) :)
Woke up at 7am in the morning.. I know its early.. Maybe too eager to for the interview or too eager to go with HAYDIL.. Hmm.. Either way is possible.. Hehe.. Bath the change to my smartest outfit there is & at the same time have to wake up little miss HAYDIL cause she is hard at waking up.. Aiyo yo.. Had a problem finding my ez-link & time was running late for me.. Manage to find it after 15min of searching..
Met up with HAYDIL at her block to pick her up.. Gentleman mah.. Hehe.. Heard her footsteps & smile was running all over my face.. When i saw her.. Inside my mind was WOW...!!! Jackpot.. Hehe.. I don't know.. Maybe was happy that we were going together since its has been a long time we went out just the both of us.. Miss those days.. Really..
Reach the interview place i can already feel the tension.. The nervousness building up inside me.. But i kept my cool.. Hehe.. Cause it was my first jod interview.. Never have i go for job interview in my life when i went to look for a job.. After the interview i felt really happy actually & wanted to go for more interview cause i just love to interact with people.. :)
After the interview went to Food Culture had luch together with HAYDIL.. Ate Chicken Chop Fried Rice while she ate the usual Fried Handmade Noodles.. She didnt finish the food lorr.. But packet it as not to waste the food.. While we were walking.. We can feel like all eyes are on us.. Aiyo yo.. They never see people wear office attire before izzit.. Aiyo yo.. Walk like we were once again together if you know what i mean.. Hehe.. Then inside the bus was all fine when there is a call from your handphone.. Nevermind.. Don't want to say about it.. :)
A very short bt memorable day for me as i treasure every moment spent together.. :)
LOVE LIFE
Hmm.. My love life is very very complicated.. & i mean complicated like hell.. To start of with.. I really really mean when i say i still love you & its hard for me to move on cause i really really treasure the 2 years plus relation.. I really don't know whether im doing is the right thing or the wrong thing.. I know its the wrong thing by meeting you & stuff.. But i need you by my side.. I do feel the jealousy.. I do feel the sadness when your BF called you or message you..
When will this heart feel with joy & happiness again.. When will it be retain as it was before.. Sometime i think are u really happy with him.. Cause it seems that you are.. don't even bother looking for me cause im the one looking for you.. Sometimes i think.. What do you really want in your life.. Me..?? Him..?? or waiting for something to happen then only you realise..
I am happy now that we are still contacting & we are still meeting each other.. But what i really hope is that meeting you won't have to be secracy.. So you don't have to be afraid of anything or something.. I really appreaciate the time we spent each time we meet each other.. I seems happy.. You seems happy but at the same time busy with your Bf..
What am i blabbering about.. I should be happy for you.. I should be happy for my self.. The word SHOULD.... Understand that..
[110607] Take me back to the first time we seal our lips.....
P.S: My life is complicated then you all think.. Please..
. . . . . . . . .
8:21 AM
Tuesday, September 22, 2009 Y
Dear Me..
Wow.. At last i went out today.. Phew & i thought that i was a dead at home the whole week.. :)
Today went to my NS Division to claim something with my NS buddy.. HAha.. While waiting saw this girl crying.. I was shock & don't know what to do lorr.. So i just sit there like dumb.. But offer her tissue.. Since she was crying badly.. Don't want to know what happen.. Nanti busybody kate kan.. Haha..
Then ate at Ananas izzit.. Ya.. The $1.80 chicken rice.. It was quite nice actually but what had my stomach full was my favourite pepsi drink.. Hehe.. After eating went off to SSDC book my theory test.. The funny thing is i book it today at 5.55pm at 5.40pm.. Haha.. Just want to try my luck whether i can pass.. But sadly luck wasn't on my side.. Scored 43/50.. What the hell right.... Hmm...Thought of taking another test but lazy lorr.. :)
Went home after that then back tothe boring life of lappy & T.v.. Quite a short day today.. :)
LOVE LIFE..
Chatted with you yesterday.. Somehow i feel awkward.. Don't know why.. Maybe that you are attach or maybe theres something else.. It was fun chatting with you.. Knowing that you still miss me & love me.. Then went i wanted to end the conversation.. You cried when i say..
Me: Anything just beep me aytez.. You know that i'll be there for you..
Somehow you cried when i say that.. I was shock cause my intention was to make you happy but end up u breakdown.. Hmm.. You told me that i was still in your heart.. But when i ask about your BF you say that he also in your heart.. But i'm more to the special place.. Im really confuse.. If you really love me then why move on with another guy..
You really need some help.. Even though i still care & concern for you.. But you have someone to care for you.. To concern for you.. Your priority now is your BF not me.. If you really still care & concern about me.. Then you know what you should do.. Cause i don't like this type of love game.. Stay if you sincerely love me.. Leave if you think that you have doubt about my love towards you..
Cause all i know is that I'm sincere enough to love you.. I'm still single cause its not easy for me to move on with someone cause half of me is you.. If you really think that im going to be with someone soon.. Nah.. Cause i believe that deep inside you.. You know what you feel.. Whether you did the right thing or the wrong thing..
All i can say is that make the wise & right choice.. You still have me by your side.. As a friend.. A person who really knows you.. Who really care.. I'm just lost for words for now.. Just that im touch to see that im still part of you.. But don't make a fool of anyone please.. Be it me or your Bf or whoever..
P.S: Love only 1 not 2.. Then you can feel better.. :)
. . . . . . . . .
8:58 AM
Monday, September 21, 2009 Y
Dear Cuddly..
Guess what.. Hmm.. nothing much to say today.. Just that i stayed home the whole damn day.. Messaging Ms Angel.. & wathing t.v like there is no tomorrow..
BOred.. Bored.. Very very Bored... Waahh.. Somebody help me in this life of boredom.......
Hmm.. Thats all.. Thanks for hearing me out whoever you are.. Haha..
P.S: Can't wait for wednesday.... Wee... :)
. . . . . . . . .
7:44 AM
Sunday, September 20, 2009 Y
Dear Me..
Hey guys.. First of all.. SELAMAT HARI RAYE TO ALL MY TAGGED.. FACEBOOK & ALL THE FRIENDS THAT KNOW ME..!! :)
Hmm.. What a tiring yet not soo kinda fun day I had today.. Start off with waking up.. I woke up at 11.00am i guess.. & the not so good thing is that i overslept & didn't go for sembahyang raye for the FIRST TIME.. Oo my god.. I just break my record of not going & i feel bad about it.. :(
Ouh what the hell.. Its over anyway.. :)...... Bath then ate ketupat & lontong if im not mistaken.. What the hell.. I just eat what that can be eaten.. :)... Then came my second sister with my FAVOURITE NIECE.. SHIQAH...!! She is soo adorable that I feel that im her father.. Haha.. Kidding.. But most of my cousin says that she look like me.. Hmm.... Chit chat here & there..
Then the seek forgiveness part.. I wonder why does my first sister always cry every year when seek forgiveness.. Maybe to much sins between my dad & her.. Haha.. As for me.. Always cool.. But still to much have happen this year.. & im kinda expecting a certain someone to approach me.. I hope you know who you are.. :)
Off to my auntie place.. Nearby just a 5 minute walk.. Waited for the rest to come.. & came some of my cousin.. Miss them soo much.. Chit chat here & there.. Ate soto ayam if im not mistaken.. Ahh.. Just eat only lorr.. :) But the cheesecake was DAMN NICE..!! haha.. but didn't stay long there cause need to go to my mother place at AMK.. :)
Take a ride with my brother to my mother place.. Got personal rider ok.. Haha.. reach there gave my mom a hug for almost 15 years i didn't hug her i guess.. Soo kinda feel like hugging her.. :).... Not long then off to my grandad house at Marsiling..
Reach there also chit chat.. But as for me.. I sit at a comfortable position then off to lalaland.. It was a nice quick nap.. Was damn sleepy lorr.. Don't know why but suddenly felt sleepy.. :) Nothing much to say here.. :)
Then went to my uncle house nearby.. All my KECHORABLE uncle & auntie was there.. It was a fun get together thingy for me cause seldom I saw or meet them.. Eat again.. Soo much eating lorr.. Go here eat.. Go there Eat.. Go everywhere EAT..!! aiyo yo.. But still not fat.. Haha.. :)
Then to my another uncle house at CCK.. Meet up with my favourite cousin SARIANA.. She seems to gain weight.. Hmm.. Is there a fish in the bowl.. Haha.. But whatever.. Talk to her & some of my auntie.. Laugh here & there.. Watch soccer ManU vs ManCity.. Lucky ManU won.. But whatever.. I don't support both.. Haha.. Its been a long time since i had this much bonding with them.. I hope to do this often to forget what had happen this year.. :)
LOVE LIFE..
Hmm.. Nothing much to say.. Just congratez to you.. Hope you are happy.. Im Not.. Haha.. Well.. Give & take is my quote.. What people give you take.. Haha.. What the shit im talking about.. Hmm..
To Ms Angel.. I Miss you.. It might sound like a sweet words or empty words.. But only me & him only knows how i feel.. :) Take Care.. Tie my hand ok.. Don't forget.. Haha..
P.S: LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.. BUT LIVE IT WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE.. CAUSE LIFE IS TO SHORT FOR REGRETS....!!!! :)
. . . . . . . . .
8:25 AM
Sunday, September 13, 2009 Y
Dear Me..
Its Weekends.. & I always stayed home during the weekends & always feel bored in the weekends.. Why..?? Cause i don't have u by my side..
Didn't do much today just that watch anime the whole damn weekends & day in my room on my bed.. Whats the point of going out if im not going out with my love ones.. Where else my love one is having fun out there..
I rather talk about my love life then my life at home.. Nothing to talk about actually..
Hmm.. Where should i begin.. I guess you really don't know how i feel about you.. How i have change for you.. How deeply am i in love towards you.. All this time our love is just a fake?? Those years spent were just a play make up by our feelings..?? I really don't know what to feel or what to say now just have to go through depression mode for awhile..
I really really do care for you.. Do concern for you.. But whats the point when you yourself don't even bother about me.. Don't even care about me.. As if i don't exist.. If only i can show you how my heart shape right now.. The pain i go through every night.. The tears that keep on flowing every night.. The feeling of being not love..
Who do i cry out.. Who do i seek to share my pain.. My agony.. My miserable life with.. If its not for you.. But what are you doing now.. Falling for your ex... Isn't falling for your ex will make you love him in the end..?? I really don't understand you.. What do u seek..?? What do u want to gain..?? What do you accomplish by doing this to me & yourself..?? Do you feel happy treating me this way..?? Do you feel happy by doing all those things towards me..?? Do you..??
You met your ex.. When i was still in love with you.. When you still treat me like we are together.. Why.. Why couldnt you just tell me that you have found someone to make you happy.. To make you smile.. To make you laugh.. Where do i go from here.. I am really lost without you.. All i can do now is cry out my pain.. My suffering in this blog.. In this webpage..
All this time.. I keep questioning myself.. Do you really love me in the first place..?? Do you really cherish me in the first place..?? Shouldn't love be forgiving & accepting one another even though we have done shit or treat each other like hell.. Shouldn't love be beautiful rather then sadness.. Pain & suffering.. Im lonely.. Very lonely without you..
I guess thats all i can say for now cause the story is very long..
P.S: I Believe If You Are Patience Enough & Have Faith In The Person You Love Or Yourself.. Your Love One Will Come Back.. I Believe That You Will Come Back To Me.. BAby_Haydil
. . . . . . . . .
7:23 AM
Monday, September 7, 2009 Y
Dear Me
Guys guys.. Im really sorry for not updating my blog up to date but this past few weeks was busy with school stuff & life..
As usual for the malays or muslim.. Have to wake up early for break-fast then some might continue sleeping & some might pray & some might do what is on their mind.. :)
Went to school as per normal.. Alone cause some of my friends left me behind cause i was late by a few minutes.. But what the hell.. Hehe..
Reach to school first thing that came to my mind was is she in school.. Just cant face her dont know why.. dont care..
Actually nothing much to write today.. so i just brag about my love life.. Hmm..
I really cant accept what you did to me.. Toyed with my feelings.. Played with my life etc.. But still i really appreciate you all this time for taking care of me during the 2 years relationship.. Now i guess you are happily living your life in your own rule in your own world..
For me to move on it would take not just me to do it alone.. I need confidence.. Help.. Perseverance.. Pressure.. Etc.. But i dont think i can move on that easily cause i do still care for you.. But im not sure if you do care for me.. Hmm.. Why care for the girl who are not interested in me anymore.. Want to know the answer.. Pure love towards her.. But what the hell... Hehe..
Hmm.. Ouh well.. thats about all.. Toodles.. :)
P.S: My Smiles are slowly coming back.. :)
. . . . . . . . .
8:54 AM
