Sunday, August 30, 2009 Y
Dear Me..
First of all sorry guys for not updating my blogs for the past emm few weeks or months.. Been busy with study & how to cope in life..
Life has been miserable for me.. How am i suppose to live or concentrate on things when you are not here with me.. Why can't you get it that the only person i love is you & no other person then you will i love.. Why can't u seems to see that my love & my passion towards you are honest & sincere..
Why do you always jump to conclusion.. Why don't you sit & talk like an adult when solving problems.. Why do you have to follow your feelings when you know that its not true.. Why.. Why..
There are alot of question on my mind running everyday.. It keep on thinking & thinking until it will stop thinking that is when i know im no longer needed.. You make a fuss just because i chatted with my ex.. You make me feels useless just because i chatted with my ex..
How blinded you are by hatred or by what you feels until you forgot to see that my heart.. My feelings towards you are true & not just words.. Sometime i think to myself.. Are your love towards me that low until you can let me go just like that.. When you say your love towards me are.. Forget it..
Where were you when i need you.. How am i suppose to let out this feelings when i know that you are the only one i can let it out.. I can show what i feels inside.. what i really really am inside.. To you i am nothing just a stepping stone.. But to me you are my future.......
P.S: Someone please snap the hell out of me.............
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10:05 AM
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 Y
Dear Freakyemo,
It was fun & interesting day for me today.. Will talk about it later or sooner.. :)
Started school at 8.30am today.. Damn early lorr but what to do.. School is school & have to study hard for the upcoming test & exams.. Want to go higher nitec in either Sports Management or Logistic.. :)
First lesson was BEG.. Was suppose to dress up in office attire during the lesson but I totally forgot about it.. So i was the odd ones out.. I feel kind of into it if you know what i mean by looking at my fellow classmates wearing the smart wear.. Soo the SMART.. :)
Then after BEG was BEO.. Had progress test on Unit 3 which i found it quite easy.. After the test had some revision on Unit 4 cause tomorrow is going to be Unit 4 progress test.. I love it when it comes to progress test cause it test me on how i understand the subject.. :)
After school went to cafe 1 for lunch.. Had Chicken Rice & a cup of pepsi.. Had fun with my friends talking.. Laughing.. Saying out lame jokes.. Haha..
Then off to TM1 to celebrate Fad birthday.. WEe.. Caught her on the surprise along with Me.. Ily & Raimi cause we didnt thought that they would celebrate the August babies.. Thanks guys.. Really love & appreciate it.. :)
Event though i was smiling or laughing with my friends or whoever im with.. Im still feeling lonely inside.. Thinking of her.. Where is she now?? Does she have someone new?? Why the sudden?? Dont you cae for me anymore?? that type of question is always running through my head like the tornado that woudnt stop.. all i can do now is just look into the future & move on with a single step by a day..
I really am thinking of you.. But im not sure if you are.. You seems ok to me.. ouh well.. Dont want to brag about what is not important to me now.. Hehe.. Im Aidil aka Cuddly Buddy.. Sad is not my middle name.. Smiley is my middle name..
P.S: I dont walk backwards.. I walk forwards.. Same goes in my mind.. :)
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6:55 AM
Monday, August 17, 2009 Y
Dear Aidil
Yesterday was a fun day for me until a sudden message came to my phone.. Touch on that later..
Yesterday woke up damn early around 7.15am in the morning just to do house chores plus laundry.. I know its kinda hard to believe that i did all this things but that is just me.. Brought up in a family that is independent & stuff..
Then off to my friend wedding at braddell area.. Met up with izzul & arie at admiralty mrt then went there together.. Guess what.. Arie broke his last finger.. Soo sad.. Really.. You have my sympathy bro.. :) Reach braddell around 1.30 then have to wait for Mr Hafiz & his GF.. Cool.. Hafiz ade matair.. Congratez..
When we reach the wedding thingy.. Saw alot of familiar faces from Unity Sec.. But cant recall some of their name.. Well.. It shows that im already old.. Haha.. Ate with them.. Catch up on things.. Bla.. Bla.. Bla..
Then off to Orchard to chill with Arie & Izzul.. Just spending some time together since its been a long time we have seen each other or something like that.. Went to Borders then to Faiz & lastly to Orchard Central..
Reach home around 6.30 then watch anime as usual.. Then came the message that i was talking about earlier.. She message me that she want a clean breakup.. What the hell.. There i was editing our facebook account & it was like someone throw me a Nuke..
Does messaging count as a clean breakup.. Well.. Maybe some people arent mature or brave enough to say it face to face.. If you are an adult & atleast mature abit.. Have the courtesy of breaking up like an adult & not like a secondary type that uses messages or calls.. Please.. Wheres your sense of adulthood..??
Im kinda sad & dissapointed why she did this.. All she say was after we patch her feelings towards me was fading away or something like that.. In the first place if its fading away then why the acceptance..?? It is really not logical enough if you tell to a person that is mature to you lorr..
All i can say now is that your reason are soo not into place & you really are not good at it.. If you know what i mean.. But whatever it is just live your life as what you want to be..
P.S: Some people are just damn childish & cowards.. I Hate Cowards.. Who dont stand up in breaking up.. Bullshit lorr.. Haha.. Ouh Well.. :)
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12:54 AM
Tuesday, August 4, 2009 Y
Dear FreakyEmo,
Today was the most painful day for me cause it hurts me so bad that I have lost my feelings.. I'm not sure whether i am to smile or sad.. Happy or down.. Its like a jumble up feelings inside me..
Went to school as per normal.. Woke up little Miss Ily.. Aiyo yo.. Then meet up with the rest at smallMc tamp inter..
First lesson was BEG & it was a topic on Colour Of The World or something like that.. First of all im colour-blind.. Secondly how am i to know what colour when im colour-blind.. Haiz.. Im really at a disadvantage..
Then second lesson was BEO.. I was like half sad already.. Where is Miss Angel..?? WAAHH...!!! Teacher was okay but couldnt concentrate cause my mind was thinking & it can't stop thinking day by day.. Its about something.. Tell you later.. :)
After school went to Tampines Mall accompanied Ily to buy her stuff.. On the way saw her.. I was happy yet sad cause im like a stranger to her.. But guess Seri & Aizah didnt treat me like 1... As for ila i understand she was accompanying her..
Thats all for today.. Now for my love life.. :(
Sadly I really don't know whether you treat me like a stranger or just a human that doesnt exist in this world.. Im like the wind that doesnt blow.. The water that doesnt feel..
You talk about the last hug etc.. In your blog but it seems that its just words.. Before we were friends what were we..?? Before we were lovers what were we..?? Think about it..
Honestly i feel bad about our break up but i can't stand when your dad.. You know.. I don't want to mention it.. Forgive you I will.. But him i have to depends on how the situation is.. I maybe dumb in what i do.. But atleast i am wise enough & mature enough to think when is the limit..
I know that you will treat me as cold & wicked as you can be but think how i am struggling to treat you as nice as what i always do.. I know some of us might think that why am i still writing bout her.. Its because i CARE..
You might be moing on slowly.. Im happy for you but letting you know this.. It is not something that i might say to all my ex.. Your heart are still with me..
Your soul.. Your mind.. Your smile.. Your laughter & you are still with me.. I don't know how i am coping to get use not living with you but i will try.. & try & try.. Until i can't take it animore thats when you know how much i try but still at the same track..
Letting out my feelings in this stupid blog for people to read is what i have.. Cause i know i can't let it out on you or you'll get mad at me.. Haha.. Well.. What a cruel & patience world im in..
By the way there is a saying in malay.. Kalau dah ludah tak jilat balek right.. But what if that ludah is the only thing that saves you in your life.. Would you lick it back..?? hmm.. i wonder.. cause people tend to do miracle..
P.S: I might not be your bf animore but i am still part of your mind that keeps thinking & remembering..
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6:38 AM
Sunday, August 2, 2009 Y
Dear Aidil,
Today was the painful & yet hardest day & part of my life.. I let my the person closest to me her freedom.. Haish.. Its hard for me to do it but i have to because of the words that nail it & can't be forgiven.. This is why i say watch what you or we say..
I have to move on but the memories will still stain my mind be it good or bad i still find it cherishable.. I only hope that you are fine with your life & we can talk as usual & you bare no grudges against me.. Like what i told you.. Before we were friends.. We were stranger.. Before we were lovers.. We were Friends..
Im really really sorry that i have to let you go.. Im deeply soo.. But i know that you can't accept my apology.. I hope that bygone be bygone.. I know its hard but atleast i know that you are no stranger to me..
I can see that you are holding on to your tears just now when we last met.. I just wish that you can let it out on me.. Your last anger.. Your last jealousy etc.. Don't blame youtself that our realtionship fail.. Its all my fault & only me.. Not you ok..
Yesterday was the best time well spent with you even though some of the way you were mad of some picture of my friends or god-sister are in my ipod.. I tried my best to make it worthwhile but you won't let me.. I hope this separation open your eyes.. If is doesnt then i hope someone will..
Thats all for today.. Want to coninue being myself..
P.S: Song for you are not meant to sing.. Tc is all i can say..
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4:30 AM
